All about kids.

Dear World,

Here are some things that, as an intentionally childless twenty something, I notice about parents:

The biggest pet peeve I have with parents of young children, is that there really isnt an instruction book on how to raise your kids. I have seen so many parents who use this line "Oh they are just really spirited and we encourage it!" to excuse their incredibly ill behaved children. When I hear a parent say that, it translates directly into my brain, as their child is head butting me for the hundredth time, to "I am too lazy to actually discipline my children and I dont mind that they act all willy-nilly."

There is something to be said for children who do have an incredibly active imagination and who are highly creative and who do have a lot of energy. But take that energy and try and focus it into an activity like acting, painting, or sports! I hate having some random child punch me or scream behind me for the sake of screaming because they are bored and dont know how to focus their energy into anything. It drives me NUTS. I go to the grocery store in the evenings specifically because I am less likely to bump into some awful parent who refuses to discipline their children.

Now thats not to say all children who run around and do this sort of thing are undisciplined because I see some parents actually take action when their children is acting like a rabid ape, and I appreciate those parents so much! But there are also children who no matter how much you make them sit in time out, take away their desserts, prevent so much as a grain of sugar from entering their body, and ground them- they still act out. And I feel bad for parents who are stuck with children like that.

But I guess that a lot of my feelings comes from how I was raised to act outside of the house. I was spanked when I pitched an unholy fit in the grocery store. I got grounded if I did something that I wasnt supposed to. I can't count how many times I had to sit in the corner when I was a kid. And my grandparents were definitely alumni of the school of "Children should be seen and not heard." So being loud, hitting people, pulling hair- all of that was OUT. Frankly, I still think ALL children should be seen and not heard. They should be polite and RESPECT their elders. Yes, you can talk to your children like adults and make them act mature, but for the sakes of people like me- if they act out, please do something about it!

I have no plans on having children, but I do know that if I ever change my mind about that fact, that I want my children to have structure. I want them to act politely so I can bring them out in public. I want them to love music and the arts, but not be afraid to play sports and video games too. I want to take my children to museums every chance I get. I want them to be incredibly well rounded and be offered the chance to learn about the world around them. I want them to enjoy hiking and kayaking and maybe pause on the river to photograph the landscape and study small animals that are found under rocks. All of these things are things that I would hope every parent would want for their children.

I guess the point of this is- quit making excuses and actually raise your kids! Nothing makes me happier than a parent who enjoys being a parent and is good at it!

Advice for Boys and Girls on relationships

Yes I am inspired to write today.

This is in response to this article I found the other day via my phone: http://www.cnn.com/2010/LIVING/personal/01/07/tf.teach.son.about.women/index.html

I love this article and if I had a son, I would hope that I could teach him the same thing. For those of you who have not read the article- the advice is that he would teach his son to LISTEN to his girlfriend if he cared about her. It will get you a lot farther in a relationship. I really recommend reading the article as I dont particularly wish to butcher this guys words.

So if I had a daughter? What would I tell her? Well, its easy. I would tell her the same thing my dad told me when he realized how serious the relationship I am in now was: If you want something, tell him. You cant expect him to do something if he doesn't know about it.

Lordy, aint that the truth! Now, ladies I know you may really want for your guy to be 100% Mr. Right. He doesn't exist, and if he does- you have already labeled him your friend and won't change his status on your friend list anytime soon. If you want your man to do it right, you have to tell him what it is you want him to do. While you may be waiting for a bouquet of flowers, a box filled with Godiva truffles, and a night at the most expensive restaraunt in town for your first anniversary- he may think everything is sunshine and you may wind up with a date at the local sushi bar, which admittedly you love but is dissappointing when you were expecting some place with Chez or Les in the name.

Don't get mad at him though- he did put some thought into it. On your first date- didn't you say "Oh my god, I love this place? Mr Takiyama is a god at the art of sushi!" You did say that. And he did remember. Yes you guys were just there again last week, but now it is your anniversary and he knows how much you love this place. See? Thought process.

What you didn't tell him when you said "Ohmigodouranniversaryisnextweeek,likearentyousoexcited?" was "IreallywantflowersandchocolatesandaviewofthecityfromourtableatLesChez" which is why you guys are back at Mr Takiyama's. He did not know. And even if you have an observant guy, such as I do, let me say this loud and clear:

SUBTLETY DOES NOT WORK!

For those of you who missed it:

DON'T BE SUBTLE! IT DOES NOT WORK!!!!

Even if you think you were too obvious, you weren't. I guarantee it. Just flat out tell him. Then if he forgets after you had been talking about it for a month, you can chew him out. It may seem like you are taking some of the magic out of the occasion, but its the same thing as when you use a condom. If using it "breaks the moment" then there really wasn't a moment to begin with.

So for all you frustrated ladies and gents- Ladies, tell your man what you want from him. Gents- LISTEN to what she is saying, and remember.

Professionalism People?

Today was the day I was destined to buy a calendar. So as a frugal person, such as myself, does when they do not want to spend a lot, but need a new calendar, I went to the mall's calendar nook to get one at an awesomely discounted rate. And I did, its a calendar with pictures of fish and sea life and it reminds me of the need to squirrel away money for a nice tropical honeymoon or vacation.

After I completed my mission I swung into the Victorias Secret to purchase some new (and much needed/wanted) panties. I like bright colors, and so far really- VS panties last me a lot longer than say Haynes or whatever the generic department store brand is. Plus 5 for 25 is a nice deal! ;)

However the thing I was NOT pleased about was the condition of the store. First off it was a wreck. For a store that is designed to sell lingerie (a word that needs to sound the way it is spelled, much like bologna or Gloucester) it certainly was more reminiscent of a Wal-mart. It was overly cluttered, there were large "CLEARANCE" signs everywhere, the employees werent even up to par. I saw three sitting around a table talking while one guy (who I suspect was just a little more trained than a trainee) was running the register. One woman kept skulking in between the register and a table, and finally one miraculously appeared to the register to help Mr Noob with getting some of the people out. And she was hardly dressed to what I would consider VS par.

Now I will fully admit- Tabitha's Salon Takeover is one of my favorite shows and Tabitha is someone I idolize. Most people may view her as a bitch, but in reality she is only a bitch to those who deserve it. She is highly skilled in her field of business, she is polite and welcoming to clients, and she whips the butts of those who need looking after. She doesnt sugar coat things, and she knows what it takes to get a job done well. If I could be anyone for a week, it would be Tabitha.

Now anyone who has seen the show would know that she is able to transform a group of employees and one lousy owner from being lazy, boisterous, and miserable into a team of professional, polite, and above all else HAPPY successful hair dressers. I can NOT emphasize how many businesses need a Tabitha to come in and whip them into shape.

Today VS was one of those businesses. While standing in line, not moving, for about 5 minutes with only 2 people between me and Mr Noob, each of whom only had a couple items, I was heavily contemplating leaving. I was overall appalled by the condition of the store. It was cluttered, clusterphobic, and quite overwhelming. There were tall shelves in front of the registers which made the register hard to find for anyone unfamiliar with the store's layout and were close enough together that I suspect even the larger (not trying to be mean here I promise) woman who seemed to be a manager (but was acting more like everyones assistant) would not have been able to fit between them. If I had not actually needed panties, and had been so so about the ones in my hand, I WOULD have walked out.

The store was so lacking in professionalism, it made me miserable to just be in there. I think I would rather drive to another mall in another town to get panties the next time I need them unless that store shapes up. It was not a pleasant shopping experience and I will need an aspirin or a stiff drink to want to go in there again anytime soon.

So if you are reading this and you do own a business, here are a few tips:

1. Dont let your employees shout to each other across the store. That is fine for after hours but a store is not a party. It is a business. Act accordingly.

2. If you have a dresscode, enforce it. Dont let even one seasonal employee dress outside of it. I want my VS ladies to look as lovely as the models that advertise the underwear no matter the size, age, or gender of the employee, but with clothes.

3. If you are a manager- Act like one. Dont serve your employees and do all their tasks and run their errands. Make them wear their big boy pants and big girl panties and do something for themselves.

4. If it is busy, make sure employees on the floor are either serving customers or tidying up. Dont let them squawk at one another just because they are lazy. The only thing worse than this would be for them to be on a phone on the floor. No excuses. Just do it.

5. A business is not a friendship club. Its a work space.

6. Above all else, the stores I find most enjoyable to shop in are the ones where I am treated with respect. Pay attention to your customers. Greet them with a smile. Answer their questions. Show them where they can find things. Make the experience about the customer NOT YOU, and then I will return.

7. KEEP THE STORE CLEAN.

Two of my favorite stores to shop in no matter where I am are Helzburg Diamonds and Fire & Ice. No I cant afford the majority of the pretty, sparkley things they have displayed in their windows, but I will always go in one. The employees have always taken the time to answer my questions, open jewelry cases, and give me information about the items I am looking at no matter how I am dressed, what my hair looks like, or what city I am in. I could be wearing jeans and a t-shirt with holes and paint stains, and they still smile, welcome me warmly, and treat me the same as any other customer that enters the store. They are the models for how a business should be run.

New Year= New Me?

I guess it is that time of year again. The time of year where we all make silly resolutions that we never keep and we join gyms, and buy whole wheat products because they are healthier..... That means its also the time of year where we realize that its too $%^&* cold to go to the gym, let alone walk the dog or step outside for a cigarette, so we quit doing that. We also quit eating healthy because while it may be good for us, its not sticking to the bones and our cold rumbly tummies that have to go out and dig out the cars from 2 feet of snow are not properly satiated. So we let eating right slip too.

What do I have to say to this??

I am just as guilty as the rest of you. Except I have a wii fit and 2 dogs that will destroy the house unless I go freeze my butt off to walk them through the neighborhood until they are sufficiently chilled and dragging me back into the house.

I guess the trick to keeping those weight loss/ eat healthy resolutions is to find a strong motivation for getting trim again. My motivation is my tattoos. I cant show them off without looking a lot like trailer trash if I weigh as much as 2 moosey dogs. And I like to occasionally look around facebook and find people I used to know and see where they are in their lives. The other day, I got the self esteem boost I needed when I saw this girl who used to be half my size, now looks like she could eat me alive, and go back for seconds and thirds and still be not quite full. And those are her wedding pictures.

I dont want to look like that. Not for my wedding, anyway. I would like to look more like the model wearing the dress I fell in love with rather than the cake. So, for me, its off to the gym, and walking the dogs around the neighborhood, and busting out that wii fit and dusting it off and actually using it.